wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
