Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
