Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
