Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize