so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
