"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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