census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
