Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
