She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
