Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
