I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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