if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
