Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
