ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
