It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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