i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
