I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
