I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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