i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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