every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize