I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize