You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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