I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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