apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
