God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You did what with his pubic hair?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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