All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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