Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
