On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
