Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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