cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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