I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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