i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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