Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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