Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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