So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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