You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
