maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
