HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
