I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
