in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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