I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
