i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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