then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
