My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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