when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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