the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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