i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
