so let's talk penis.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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