Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
