Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
