I think my vagina is haunted
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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