How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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