sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
