Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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