It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ttyl tear gas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
