Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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