The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
