i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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