it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
