I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
