I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize