I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just invented taco cereal.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
