Your dad touched me again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
