She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
