i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
