The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had sex on a roof
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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