did you get engaged???
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
