Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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