You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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