Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
