This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize